|About||1 week ago|
It’s poop knife all over again.
I mean it's way easier to cut it with the poop knife that way
Dads are the best at pooping.
this sounds like the sequel to the poop knife ......
Try that when you have diarrhea
So what if its uhh... softer?
I've never known anyone who catches poop apart from nurses and those two girls...
Nobody tell him about the seashells
Do they have a poop knife as well?
And that one girl who liked to finger paint.
sounds to me like dad played a joke he probably forgot about and didn't realize what he'd done
Are you dumb? Next you'll say you dont use a poop knife XD
We're fucking haunted by that poop knife.
My dad told me the same, but after wrapping it up, you're also supposed to squeeze it. If it comes out the ends then you might be autistic.
No, that is what the poop knife is for.
Also, is there a thing in relationships called "the poop talk"? I flew right by that one on the way to getting married.
Cup your hand and let it drip through your fingers so it doesn’t splash?
It's not normal unless you cut it up with the poop knife after
Guessing the wedding got cancelled.
He doesn’t know about the seashells.
This is arguably worse than the poop knife
I thought the poop talk was “wait...girls poop too? And...oh why does it smell even worse?”
Better pray the paper doesn't rip.
This is clearly a FP discussion
I had a roommate who threw pooped toilet paper in the garbage can instead of the toilet...we had to have a poop talk.
You want Hep A? Because this is how you get Hep A.
You’ve never been to Taco Bell then...
The best is the 'do you wipe sitting or standing' debate.
The 2 girls caught it in 1 cup if anyone is looking for a reference here..
That's very common in many countries (Mexico for instance) because their plumbing can't handle toilet paper.
This was in Mexico, and the plumbing is just fine. However, he was from Peru. I get it, but we still had to have a talk.
some countries this is custom
Maybe it's just a Cancun thing then? Because there were signs all over not to put toilet paper in the toilet there.
some people are just ignorant. Especially in Mexico, there is a ton of misinformation and hearsay about that type of thing.
You inglorious basterd
I'm thinking there is some deeeep neuroses here
I had the poop talk when I saw my SO wiping his ass standing.
So they don't know how to use the three sea shells?
As someone in the middle of my afternoon dump, no this is pretty messed up
From your own poop? Is that possible?
By chance do you have another female friend who does the same, because I have the best idea!
I do this
***weird alert sound**...so much for the three seashells...
Risky click, but was just a
Que the Road to El Dorado scene talking about stars and instead talking about seashells
This+poop knife= poop ninja.
Poop knife 2.0
Nurses doesn't catch patients poop.ew
I can’t wait to have kids
i prefer poop knife over grabbing poop with toilet paper. Especially with my chronic diarrhea
What the hell is "the poop talk"?
What poop knife?
I can assure you, as a nurse, I have caught my fair share of poop.
Best. Dad. Joke. Ever!
My 8 year old does this. No matter what I say he keeps at it. Maybe a future girlfriend will set him straight, I can only hope.
They can't all use the nun's hat, sadly.
Where does the knife come in then?
I knew a guy who walked after his dog to catch his dogs poop in a bag bc he didn't "like the feel" of having to pick it up with a bag.
Christ, just put a piece of tp in the toilet water before you shit. Then there will be no splash lol
My family has a special poop glove right next to the poop knife so its cool
Makes for some messy days the way most people eat
Just sitting around, talking about shit
Fucking guy never learned to use a poop knife.
Or uh...not exactly solid.
Wait... What's wrong with this?
This is on par with the poopknife technique
Can you post a link? A friend of mine can't find it
Thailand and Greece too
Was just what? Don't leave me hanging here..
Welcome to the wonders of childbirth.
They grab da poo poo...
Been to Peru. It's the normal thing there. Everywhere has garbage cans next to toilets for this reason.
So, I have an important question. How often should one wash the poop knife? I know you're supposed to rinse off the obvious poop each time,
I'm talking full on soap wash the thing.
Trust me. Your friend doesn’t want to see it. I wish I could un watch it. *barf*
imgur lets me get away with more than the average bear.. I think they would draw a line if I posted a link of 2 girls eating poop from a cup
"Shitting around" as it were.
If you do see this comment, please don't google what he said
Apparently half of people wipe standing and the other half wipe sitting and most people on either side don’t know the other exists.
This sounds like another poop knife situation
Please let this be a troll.
Yeah that’s weird af especially if it’s not completely solid.
The poop talk? Yay, I can look forward to this
What the fuck man? Just fling it at the wall and draw faces with it, like a normal person. Gawd!
Omg did your dad ever pull one on you
Goddamit. It's gonna be "poop knife" aaaaaall over again
You never talk about poop with your loved ones?
How about don't eat food that requires a knife for your poop.
Wow. Why? Your dad had a poop fetish
Stay at a better resort? Place ive stayed in Cancun had a sign that TP was ok to flush.
What's wrong with you that you don't stand while wiping? I havnt not stood to wipe since I was like ten
90 percent of my poops are like a super soaker. I may be lactose intolerant.
Has that guy never had diarrhea? How the hell is he supposed to grab that?
I put my poopy whipes in a trash can by the toilet. I guess this is uncommon as well. I've never owned a plunger either. It never smells.
both sides of my family grew up on farms and both do this nastiness.
Everyone flushes the paper n I've heard constantly through my life that their toilet is clogged. I will stick to my method haha.
"you are fined one credit for a violation of the verbal morality statute"
Yeah you should tell a doctor
Vets and vet techs. Don't ask. Don't google it. Don't think about it.
Everyone I know uses the poop knife.
I think the real question is what prompted you to start standing
Uhhhhhhh what about diarrhea
This isn't gonna be poop knife all over again is it?
I open Amazon packages with mine.
Get the poop knife
If there's no splash, how can you assert dominance over all the other stalls? "Do you hear the wrath of my giant logs!!?"
Ohhhh, my god!!! WHY, WHY DOES IT NEED TO BE CAUGHT IN PAPER!!! Keep your hand OUT of the bowl. What did your dad do to you!
I used to stand until medical issues left me with no option. No I'm a die hard sitter, it's the best way.
Welcome to the family: reddit.com/r/confession/comments/7p8puq/light_i_was_22_years_old_when_i_learned_that_not/
Don't your buttcheeks squeeze together and spread the poop further?
I wipe it off with my wife’s face cloth.
I feel like this post demands an accompanying picture.
You know i think I'm done for the evening after that one.
Wipe with a hand, eat with the other...
I have had to to jerry rig quite a few bizarre looking hats in the hopes of getting a good sample.
I hope you are koking, but I lol'd too.
I'm crying!!! I've told so many people about the poop knife
Are these hats made of duct tape?
(Unimportantly, I always thought it was 'jury' rig.)
I’ve literally lived in every region of Mexico, plumbing is not made to handle TP. Some hotels/resorts install special plumbing but thats it
I once lived at a place where that didn’t work. Nor a billion sheets. Using the loo was absolutely horrid.
Duct tape is heavily frowned upon in hospitals so it's mostly cloth tape and multiple hats to keep pee out of poop and visa versa.
Today some one literally grabbed and threw at counter in BC Canada timhortons.
Welp, here comes another poop knife debate.....
just when you thought it was really really dead.
I looked it up and I guess jerry rig is a combo of jerrybuilt and jury-rigged. So jerry rig seems to be a jerry rigged version of jury rig.
Was coming to ask this lol. My brother lives there and told me sometimes in public restrooms they forgot to take the trash out
Imagine that near your ass in the future
It was Australia wasn’t it
grab the poop, feel the poop, be the poop
Haha, no, it was in a farm in the Netherlands. :)
Poop knife progress waits for no man.
I feel like this person has um...fetishes...if he thinks there's something called "the poop talk." Ew...
Either it was a bad joke or the dad was also retarded
Especially after you had Rat burgers
Is splashing really something people actively worry about? Normally Im more afriad of an unforseen fartsplotion.
Saves time. You dont have to cut it up with a knife then.
What about those of us that wipe in a half-squat?
I...really..? I mean toilets get clogged yeah, but its generaly not a regular occurance.
Fucking poop knife and poop catcher. Hell is interesting
Hell,I’ll give it a whirl.i like being exciting and my method of poopin then wiping is gettin old.
jesus christ... I have so many questions, but I will not ask them because I want to be able to sleep again...
Thumbs up for that one!
You’re having a poop talk right here, right now.
I disagree with that. I lived in Mexico City and estado De Mexico and Hidalgo. Never had issues.
I thought my mind was blown when I learned people stand up to wipe. This is a whole new level of wtf, I can't process.
He hasn't heard about the poop knife it seems.
My wife is from El Salvador, their toilets can't handle single ply sheets of toilet paper. We had to have a talk when she moved to the US.
Why do you westerners use toilet paper anyway?
Made up for internet points.
Correct. Q. Not K. :)
aka...the dutch poo-poo platter.
What kind of toilet that was I can't imagine
my mom told me I had to dab the end of my penis with toilet paper after I peed. my dad saw doing it at a public urinal and freaked out 1/2
You need fiber dude. Smack some kale and bananas in your wordbox.
So we don't have to have it on our hand
and taught me that men don't dab their penises; instead they pretend that they shake them out but actually just get pee on their underwear
You can also create a TP sling to catch the turd hands free - tuck the ends under your butt. Courtesy of stool sample instructions.
Yeah no. I don't know about the consistency and stickiness of your shit, but (b) you don't stand up until the poop fell (b) you don't clench
Well i was gonna say, cause they had the forethought to bring a cup
i thought it was a group of 4
Well when you share a bathroom sometimes people have to poop while the other is doing something else in there
This cracked me up
I just pretend those are some really melty looking snickers bars. I haven't had a snickers bar since watching that.
If you're dropping a big old splasher and you're in a public place i just consider this a public service
Okay, the people who wipe sitting down are no longer the craziest people in the bathroom
As one would say, When nature calls one does not care if another is enjoying a bath, one shall destroy the toilet with company instead
I've tried. Does not help.
What does he do when he gets the squirty shits?
Every once in a while you can get a backsplash. Sometimes it's rather cold.
It just seems like sitting increases your chance of either toilet seat contact, or getting leftover droplets on your arm
Depending if you go front or back
I honestly wish I was joking.
Why does this remind me of how chefs separate egg whites from the yolk by letting it run all over their fingers.
I was there when that one started. I'm sad to say I'm here as well. What is with people and weird ass poop habits...
My vet has a special poop scooper for this that he just lubes up and sticks in there and wiggles around til he gets some poop.
no you are supposed to use the poop knife what the fuck?
This is B.S... What about those taco bell days....?
Even States along the border, it's disgusting. I've heard France is similar.
I had forgotten about these 2 girls... damn
So am I gonna get called insane again when I point out how weird this guys poop habits are.
People stand up to wipe? Why not wipe while your cheeks are still spread in the sitting position?
Oh my god, you might have just changed my life. I have an outhouse that is flooded from snowmelt. It's splash city. I'll try that next time.
The fact that they needed a sign...
sounds to me like a guy online made something up for points
The new poop knife
My dog clenches too much for the scooper. He’s got the dog pound butt.
Thank you, I was about to say. South Korea did this too up until very recently.
Silly man, doesn't he know you just simply need a good poop knife instead.
He got stabbed with the poop knife.
Costa Rica too. You get used to it.
I know the other side exists, I just refuse to accept it
But for real go tell a doctor.
Holy shit, you know them?
Eh. Its been like 10 years. Shit happens
Whilst on the discussion of pooping, do you stand or sit to wipe? I stand, I don't know if I'm the weird one
What a life you live! Do people... do people decorate their outhouses btw? Like with a cross stitch or floral painting? Or naaa?
Who the f stands to wipe? Doesn’t that like defeat the purpose and close off the gates to the shoot?
... His dad sounds like a fuckin psychopath. What the actual fuck!?
I take at least 12 sheets and stuff them, to ensure no splash. The toilet in my current home is powerful enough (the upstairs one)
That explains Deltaco a lot..
90% of my wipes are bloody.
I got that reference.
Once I had food poisoning and it came out like piss
Can confirm. Had to do this in the Middle East. Not everywhere. But some places.
Yeah, definitely don't google "2 girls 1 cup" it's not at all sexy and erotic
Oh no, people still remember those girls. I wish I never saw that shi...
Kinda like your own doo doo sushi.
He heard his dad wrong, fold toilet paper to catch the poop when it falls so it doesn’t splash
But what to you call this? The catcher in the sty? Poo Trust Fall? Pink Eye Roulette?
Wtf is this?
I want to meet your dad and give him the highest five I ever give to anyone
girls are hella nasty. wait til you have some woman that loves you gleefully tell you about her past yeast infection to gross you out
I’m impressed that’s only happened to you once.
We found the poopknife guy's sister!
Unless you drink milk constantly, get that checked out. I’m lactose intolerant and I only get the shits if I actually have a milk product...
...so if you have the shits 90% of the time but don’t have milk 90% of the time...I’d be concerned it’s something else.
I'm gonna try it.
The knife thing is new to me.
^came here to ask that. You ask the real questions.
Paint the walls and walk away
Because the idea of bidets freak us the fuck out... all that water... splashin ya privates...
My diet consists of milk ans a lot of cheese.
You get better coverage when you use one hand to spread and the other to wipe and you decrease the chance of the wiping hand getting dirty.
Then you probably are lactose intolerant and should seek out a OTC product called Lactaid or the generic pill version.
But I’d still check with your doctor, just in case.
Plus, I assume some folks have full length mirrors on shower doors, so they can get a better view of the area when standing and wiping.
I'm all for a good joke on kids...but why this?
Poop throwing guy?
Cut out milk??
Straight out the terdcutter
The good boys are not the problem. Think cows. Pigs. Ah I should shut up.
You don't stand allll the way up, just enough so that you don't have to stick your hand in the toilet.
Women would really prefer if you dabbed :P
WTF...where's the poop knife dude??
poop gets no respect
Your dad has pranked you in ways that mere mortals can only aspire to ... well done sir!
I always thought the shells were for a bidet, and the three settings were for mess load
I...I have never thought of that.
Lol, what do you do in a public restroom?
Actually fuckin lol’d mate
Where do you live? There are places like Mexico where people do that.
Counts as standing.
Hahahahahahaha imagine... "HRRRRRRRRRR-ahhh, there, good and spread out now" hahahahahahahaha
*quietly hides his bedlogs of shame* NO NOT HERE
If you don't go front-to-back, even as a man, you're a savage.
A veritable "shitter sitter, not a quitter".
As common as a poop knife
Seriously how the fuck you supposed to wipe sitting down? You would have to squat up some to get your hand under your ass.
LMAO, a catch and throw. BWAHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahahaha
My friend doesn't either and I can't think of how to explain it.
Grab the poop by the corns
So what do you need a toilet for if you do this?
*Watery is this bullshit
I'd be too tempted to throw it. Then again, I'm a bonobo.
toothbrush for the stubborn bits
Oh no, "front-to-back" is a must. I'm talking about angle of attack: arm between legs, or between butt and toilet seat
I do this in portajons. I don’t want that blue shit all over my ass.
I will lay a few layers of tp on the surface water before pooping to reduce the likelihood of splash... but wrapping it!? That’s fucked up.
put a bit of tp in the bowl so ya don’t get smurfed.
I've heard of people dropping tp in the bowl beforehand to stop the splash but this is dumb.
8 1/2 Courics of shit post
I'm half asleep and I thought you said dab the penis with the urinal...
I had the fart talk but not poop talk
I lift my butt a little to wipe. I also have a bidet at home with is awesome.
My dick is already millimeters from touching the bowl/seat, so I stand so there's room for my hand, otherwise I'd full on press into it.
My husband and I have been together for a decade and we talk about poop a lot.
I wipe while sitting down... I don't want to squish poop while standing.
What I do is put some paper in the water already so it wont splash
She just broke r/NoStupidQuestions
No, but I have, a few times when I know it's gonna be a rough splash, put tp flat on top of the water to minimize splashback.
Poop knife, ha, what a great story
we need more Demolition Man references on imgur
Poop scissors is much easier I think
It wouldn't help. We don't put ol' Jimmy back in while it's leaking, it drops out afterwards. Urethra positioning and such.
You...mean ex roommate?
Yeah doctors love to high five people with weird poops
You might have parasites that eat your poop and poop or little smaller poops. Go see a doctor
no it isn't. this is DEFINITELY worse than the poop knife. no argument.
These types of conversations is why I come to Imgur.
This girl caught the poop and THREW it! m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10156485819817244&id=618002243
Underrated comment of the day.
just not your blood..
don't forget about the girl in the tub
For real. Thats Not even common enough for me to remember occurrences of.
Does nothing when your body is trying to eject something you can't digest..it'll just be bigger lol
Not the issue. I know that. I'm going with lactose.
Nurse here. Never intentionally.
First for me , what the hell is toilet paper?
I'm pretty sure those 2 girls were the first video everyone saw that was "porn"
Eh, back in my poop shy days I have, on the rare occasion, done this. Now I no longer care who hears. Everybody poops~
Master trained him wrong as a joke.
Because I don't want my hand inside the toilet bowl. Also maximizes cleaning procedure efficiency
Or a glass coffee table
..."the poop talk"?
Rural houses usually have septic tanks. Toilet paper doesn't easily break down in them so flushing is usually discouraged.
Mummify the poop
I'm sure this dad uses a poop knife as well.
How does it work with diarrhea?
Dude, same here. I just paint the bowl, flush it away, and hope for the best next time.
Oh God this reminds me of the Poop Knife
Wait... you don’t use the paddles?
Yeah, I also put my foot in the bowl and pee down my leg so it doesn't splatter . WTF's wrong with you? Keep your hands off Mr Hankie !
When I was 6, I did that and put it in a bag and hid it behind the door as a prank
My son, when he started school, didn't like the tp there, so he never wiped and would come home walking like a cowboy. I finally asked what
Are you sure you don't have any water fountains in your family tree?
Are we bringing back the poop knife?!
BS. When you are little you don’t have the coordination to catch the poop. Hell kids can’t wipe their own ass until 5 or 6.
Was going on. I had to start sending pocket wipes with him so he'd wipe at school. Kids are weird. He still uses wipes now
That really is not normal & you should get checked out by an MD. It is very simple to see if lactose is the culprit though- eliminate all./2
Poopy squatting !!!
dairy and cheese from your diet and see what happens. It should make a big difference right away, and certainly within a week. Easy to try!
Well, there was that one married couple with the poop knife.
I don't think anyone does that
Naw, catch it with your poop fork. Then disassemble it on your poop plate for easy flushing.
If it is not hemorrhoids that are bleeding, then a visit to the doctor is warranted. It could be colitis, cancer, etc...
Drank apple juice it came out as it was going in....
Yup. First time I ever heard of scat sex...
this is why divorce rates are so high
The poop knife kinda sounds good after this...
Two of the girls I slept with didn't wipe completely. Namely noticeable on the underwear. So I guess?
See to me this is the most effective method!
Boy do i have a website for you.... 4chan.org
Yeah? WTF is paper? We usually use the 3 sea shells
Well. You are in for quite the journey now aren't you.
I'm having fucking flashbacks from when my eyes were opened. The two peoples don't know the other exist.
You’re supposed to let it clog the hole, then cut it up with the poop knife.
The poop accouterments you have to have for this activity
They do if they work the night shift.
Sorry, bud, but you are the only person on Earth who does that, and it is both weird and disgusting.
They do this in some Greek Islands like Santorini
Can confirm, 37yo Male -i think paper is gross, wet wipes forever!
Sounds like a recipe for shit-roll-ups
I used to do this when I was a kid. But I was a weird ass kid.
I'm so fucking afraid to read the comments. Last 2 times I read this kind of thing I learned about the poop knife and wiping while standing.
Wait. You reach from the front to wipe your ass? I'm so fucking confused!!
Pardon me sir. There are dozens of us. Dozens!
You don’t know what the f you’re talking about. Try the red pill next time.
Clearly they do not have a poop knife.
i lay down toilet paper in the bowl so it doesnt splash
People wipe sitting down? You stand with one leg up, it keeps poop from getting everywhere while letting you wipe more efficiently.
Most parents mess up their kids in at least one way they didn’t intend.
Join the Army. Get deployed. Realize WetOnes pocket packs are God's gift to Soldiers.
we've wandered into Poop Knife territory
Poop knife been done to death. I prefer the guy who thought the seat was only for girls, so always sat on bare porcelain, until his 20s...
I've pushed some back in on occasion, but y'all niggas is nasty
You damaged goods!
yeah i've always wondered this as well. seems like a guy thing. girls learn the other for health reasons. less important for them
A much easier way to prevent splash: lay down a few layers of paper on the water surface. Don't ask me how it works, all I know is it does.
could use the poop spoon
Hey. We found the poop throwing guy relative.
As someone with IBD, my hubby and I are FAR too familiar with each other poops
Yeah, but do you WORRY about it? Like enough to grab your poop to stop it falling in the water?
have an upvote, you glorious creature.
I guess playing with your own shit is really popular on here, @op. did you also like the shit knife?
Mine has a hand-painted sign that says "Mount Bullshit--Ski at your own risk." But I'm renting, so I'm not sure who did that.
As a sane person with common sense? Not unless I've got the hershey squirts then fire out a rock.
But I don't grab my poop, I just throw some toilet paper in the bowl in that case
No I go from the rear. There's zero room for anything behind me, and zero room in front either.
Its not like you're shoving your hand into the water.
80% of my companies workforce is from Mexico. We had to put signs in the restroom to stop people from doing this. They still do it
+1 first person ever to get my username.
Jfc that is insane
Don't you already do that while showering?
Am i supposed to? Well, shoot. :/